Finlay’s Hours: ‘Then I am a Coward’

finlaycrib

A chronological collection of writing during my son’s first fortnight of life, in Neonatal ICU.

(Note: At this point the infection had been confirmed undiagnosed and we didn’t yet know when or if he would be able to oxygenate his blood, unassisted)

Then I am a Coward

If bravery is standing in the face of the unfaceable,
Unflinching
Or quaking,
Then I am a coward.

For I only face forward
Because there’s nothing to turn to,
Return to
Or hurtle
Towards, in retreat
From the beasts that greet me.

I need to see them defeated
Or let them just eat me,
Piece-by-piece me
Or swallow me whole.

At least then I’d know,
For a bit,
Where I am.

Or maybe it’d be better
To be picked to the bone,
Ripped into bits without any risk
Of accidentally claiming that dark as my home.

-Unseen Flirtations

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2 thoughts on “Finlay’s Hours: ‘Then I am a Coward’

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